Topic

ok guys i need reminding why i bother, hopefully along the course of this story you can get a few giggles from my misery


we begin..... after enrolling at uni today i was full off wee and vinegar and decided i'd sort out the few remaining niggles on my TF

the plan was simple... having printed out a new set of custom dials identical to the ones in my avatar i'd put them on my old set of clocks (my current ones being from a 1.8 which i thought was why the speedo is off and why the fule gauge and water temp gauge wern't working)... so nothing important :rolleyes2: after sorting this out i'd fit my engine start button given i was now 75% (:shake:) sure what i was doing.... then if it wasnt too late i'd do a bodge job on my new enclosed cone filter given i cant afford a silicone bend or ducting lol


so i proceeded to cut out the dials from the card... took me 2 hours with a scalpel blade because the very expensive scalpel handle has gone missing from my toolbox... i lost some blood but apart from that things were going well... and besides "i have plenty to spare anyway" i think in a mood of miss-placed optimism

I line them up with my new clocks taking my time and if i do say so myself doing an even better job than the fist time... I feel pleased with myself

down to the garage

mess about putting clocks in place before plugging in battery and fixing in needles, fuel gauge and water temp to bottom, start engine, rev needle to 950rpm... speedo needle to zero

now 11pm, drive to petrol station, my custom exhaust (one thing i have done that i don't need to re-do anymore) puts a big smile on my content face... why oh why didn't i see the gathering dooooom :stir:

i now spend every pound i have (and i am unfortunately NOT exaggerating) on a full tank of petrol.... i now have 56p in my wallet to last me to my bursary which isnt until the third week in Febuary (don't ask me how im paying my bills at this point but if I'm going to get to work and uni i need fuel)

get in car

fire up engine

praise the generic deity! :angelic: the fuel gauge rises!!!! it rests just a tiny smidgen blow completely full which is irritating but at least i wont run out again!

the carry on with the scalpel is forgotten and i drop the roof for a drive home in high spirits :driving:

as they say in stories "this is as far as our luck held"

I now notice speedo is way out after passing a matrix speed sign at "50" and it doesn't flash in a 30 zone... i say four letter word

in frustration i floor it away from the next set of lights in first to the redline... and notice the rev needle is sticking on the way up and taking too long to fall back when i change gear... i say more four letter words

i then notice that my water temp needle has moved (fantastic! you say its fixed)... alas no. Unless i have HGF that is and I'm not that lucky. To say the least the reading was off the scale when I knew the engine was running at normal temperature... i utter a string of profanity the likes of which my mother would dread to hear

back to the garage

"four letter word - it" i think, at least im getting there i can have another crack tomorrow lets fit that start button!!!

unhooks battery

opens up dash and all goes well

removes ignition plug and all goes well

splices into the two cables he thinks (:err:) are the ignition cables and all goes well (no accidently cut wires anyway)

wraps 2 switch wires around the spliced cables and all goes well

plugs in battery

turns key to position two, then three and the engine fires as normall... all is well

turns engine off and puts key back to position two... now for the moment of truth!

touches cables for the button together and............................... guess what?








WRONG!!!! all goes well! the engine fires!!! i get out of car and do a little jig :bunnydance:

i proceed to skillfully tidy up the splicing and cover it in eletrical tape and run the wires behind the dash to where im going to install my button... all goes well!


by this point im getting suspicious this is going TOO well


and i was right

while trying and failing to get the spade connectors onto the end of my button wires i nock the switch with my hand

(the whole unit mind you.. it's plugged into the modified housing to fit into the dash which took me 4 hours of sanding and bodging and fitting and such)

it flies through the air and slam dunks straight through where the grear gaitor goes, it falls past the gear stick mechanism and out of site!!!

the string of four letter words had my ancestors spinning in the grave and were heard in the pub 8 streets away, pensioners woke in there sleep muttering how such things weren't said in their day and small infants cried...



at this point your thinking "yeh but surly things cant get worse, right?"


i'm sorry were you not paying attention so far?!


it's now some ungodly time, thankfully i can't tell because the batterys been unplugged so many times the clock is way out. But i know i cant admit defete because:
A: I'd never be able to sleep knwoing a job was half done and
B: in the 400+ years of my family history a Bainbridge has NEVER, NEVER! NEVERRR!!! admitted defeat

in short by hook or by crook im getting that button back and i don't care how big a hammer i have to use! :twak:


so i remove the center consul... a job I've done i'd say 20 times give or take for various reasons. so i think to myself "well it's not like i can sod anything up taking the consul out is it, lets get on with it"..........

now I can tell your anticipating the obvious untold misery which that confident statement is almost guaranteed to bring forth. While at the same time asking yourself why on earth on this night of nights i'd walk up to fate and slap him with a wet fish while shouting "I TEMPT YOU!" :dita:

so

"bend and unhook, unclip, unclip, pull forward.... mind the paint... mind the paint.... MIND THE PAINT!




Now don't beat me to the good part here, wait for it

























waiiiittttttt for ittttt


























oh ****ing ****-*** **** ****ish ****ing little ****er **** you ****...






...this went on for some time but you get the idea, the string of four letter words was nothing short of epic

not only had i chipped the paint on the paint work i'd spent 2 weeks building up but i'd done something far worse... the switches for the windows were fragile after unclipping them to fit my red L.E.Ds and they came apart! The rocker pieces in them scattered themselves, mostly down the same tunnel the switch was lost in! :banghead:


at this point i began to have a fresh understanding for the Japanese tradition of ritual suicide in no hope situations


so i begin to dismantle the gear stick assembly... what's the point in the suspense anymore? You just know its going to go T*Ts-up! not only couldn't I get it apart (seems the center tunnel needs removing first) i managed to drop one of the nuts used to tighten the throws..... annnddd guess where it went? :banghead2:

so tomorrow i need to go get a replacement nut (i'm guessing this will cost the 56p i now have to my name)... allthough i have no idea how im going to do this because i cant change gear so i cant drive there!

too make matters worse i still don't have a working air filter

my custom painted interior is ruined

my clocks still don't read right

and too cap it all off the "four letter word-ing" drives side window is now stuck in the down position because the window switches don't work anymore (and I cant afford to get new ones from a breaker!)

you may of noticed i spent every pound i have on a car i now cant drive if it rains because the window is stuck down!


for the first time in my families 400+ year history I admit defeat

:yikes: ****ing hell hun you really had a monumentally crappy day! It really is days like that where you wonder what the hell you did to **** God off! I'd like to offer some words of comfort but tbh I'm not great at motivational speeches. Just imagine what President Bartlet would say to you & you'll probably feel a lot better!

That's really not cool. Hope you get it sorted soon!

Hellfire, mate!

That all sounds so depressingly familiar:whistle: You have my sympathy.

I remember dropping things into the gearlever black hole.

From experience, anything iron-based can usually be retrieved with a magnet.

Bloody hell mate, that really is a shyte break.. I am sure that you will get it sorted out..
I must say that I am now forever in your debt for making me laugh this morning.. Sorry but I really did laugh..

Sounds familiar and you'll soon be over it and smile again! Been there myself many times and questioned my own sanity over playing with cars. One thing is for certain, we will carry on regardless and overcome any issue like this.

Keep going as the positives far outweigh the negatives!

I know how you feel mate. When I went through all the hassle of putting my car back together when I first bought it I spent several months getting the gearbox ready, back in and then everything bolted back together. Finally the end was in sight, all was bolted back in and I just had the starter motor to put back in and then I could turn the key. Starter in place, first bolt in and go to put the nut on and tighten it up..........I dropped the bloody thing and it fell into a hole barely big enough for it, went done behind the flywheel and into the depths where it sat there as I sat on the drive and though **** it and nearly cried I could see myself having to take the whole gearbox back off again just because of one damn nut :shake:

Anyways, chin up mate and you'll get it sorted

being blessed with the same type of luck as you (mostly bad) I wouldnt even tempt fate by attempting some of the stuff you have, so hats off to you for even trying. on the other hand I would like to thank you for sharing this with us because I have to admit I actually laughed out loud, which is something I dont do often enough, for that I thank ye.

I reckon you could earn some coin by writing professionally, possibly for a local rag or a magazine, you really do have a skill there.

my advice is get the car sorted when you can afford it and LEAVE it alone

good luck with uni

Teri;8296 wrote: wrote:

Bloody hell mate, that really is a shyte break.. I am sure that you will get it sorted out..
I must say that I am now forever in your debt for making me laugh this morning.. Sorry but I really did laugh..

it's allright Teri you were supposed to laugh!!! lol to be honest it made me feel alot better just writing that post (bled off some negative energy as the buddists would say)

and thanks for all the support everyone i'm off out to the garage to remove the rear cubby, transmission tunnel and gear assembly to get the button back... lord knows what I'm going to do about the windows, i may borrow a switch off someone at the teesside meet tomorrow to put the windows at the up position, least i can use the car the lol


I stuck my magnet down there (oo-err) to try and recover the nut (this gets worse) but i cant see it so no luck, and the switch assembly isn't magnetic and i cant ssee it either

gotenks1321;8304 wrote: wrote:

I know how you feel mate. When I went through all the hassle of putting my car back together when I first bought it I spent several months getting the gearbox ready, back in and then everything bolted back together. Finally the end was in sight, all was bolted back in and I just had the starter motor to put back in and then I could turn the key. Starter in place, first bolt in and go to put the nut on and tighten it up..........I dropped the bloody thing and it fell into a hole barely big enough for it, went done behind the flywheel and into the depths where it sat there as I sat on the drive and though **** it and nearly cried I could see myself having to take the whole gearbox back off again just because of one damn nut :shake:

Anyways, chin up mate and you'll get it sorted

sounds about right! did you hear what i did when i put my engine back in after the clutch change? lol

Gos;8310 wrote: wrote:

my advice is get the car sorted when you can afford it and LEAVE it alone
:

ahh but where is the misery in that? :hehe:

Gos;8310 wrote: wrote:

being blessed with the same type of luck as you (mostly bad) I wouldnt even tempt fate by attempting some of the stuff you have, so hats off to you for even trying. on the other hand I would like to thank you for sharing this with us because I have to admit I actually laughed out loud, which is something I dont do often enough, for that I thank ye.

I reckon you could earn some coin by writing professionally, possibly for a local rag or a magazine, you really do have a skill there.

i'm glad you enjoyed it mate, i laughed writing it lol, i don't know about writing professionally, i dont know how many people have our odd sence of humour!

Adam-MGTF;8330 wrote: wrote:

ahh but where is the misery in that? :hehe:



i'm glad you enjoyed it mate, i laughed writing it lol, i don't know about writing professionally, i dont know how many people have our odd sence of humour!

there are plenty of people with a weird sense of humour mate Terry Pratchet made a killing from it