Two Liverpool wives are talking about their husbands. One says 'mine is never home: he works for Cunard' the other replies ' mine works quite hard as well......'
I tried to get the names right of the staff at our local Chinese restaurant. I asked 'are you Wan Kin the waiter?' He replied 'no sir, I'm Fu Kin the chef.....'
At another restaurant I noticed that the elderly waiter had his thumb in my soup. When I challenged him he said it kept it warm and eased his arthritis. I angrily told him that if he wanted to keep it warm he should stick it in his a - hole. He replied that that's where he kept it when he wasn't serving soup......
It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..
I once hacked the home cctv into my wife's phone. Every time that she used it her image would spam out over the local internet. I suppose you had to be there..
We had a crash this morning involving Little Red Riding Hood who had hit a few trees in a copse. She was not seriously injured but not out of the woods yet.
On a recent train journey to London I found myself sitting next to a kindly old vicar. He was looking puzzled at his crossword. I asked if I could help. "Bless you my son, I'm struggling with this one: essentially female, often with friendly lips to kiss, ends with U N T"
I replied that the answer was 'Aunt'
"Of course" he replied. "I don't suppose you have a rubber?"
It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..
There are two guys and a lady in a train compartment. The guys are having a discussion... One says "I reckon it's wooooomb". The other says "nah, it's wooooooooomb".
The lady says "guys, I'm a midwife and I can assure you that it's spelt 'womb'.
One of the guys replies " ma'am we're zookeepers, and we doubt if you've heard the sound an elephant makes when it farts......
It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..
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