Topic

OK here is how it works or does not work depending because I have never tried this before (fingers crossed it does not crash and burn)

I will start us off and then PLEASE every one, we can take it in turns to carry the story on.......


Wheeler Dealers have decided to buy and restore a modern classic, this week it's an MGF/TF.

Lights, camera. action........

Mike Brewer, rubbing hands welcomes us to wheeler dealers and tells us that he has just £1500 to buy and restore to it's original show room condition an MGF or TF.

"I decided to wade through the local papers, but there were none for sale so I looked on a well known car sales web site, and there were thousands of the blighter's. I spotted an eye catching one in bright dayglow pink with an host of extras, HGF (I think that is something to do with travel gas) lowered suspension due to escaping hydro-gas (must be a racing mod) and an automatic soft top, undo the catches at 70 mph and OFF SHE GOES!!!!"

"I phoned the seller and said I was interested in viewing their MGF" "Seriously?" she replied, "Are you for real?.............................

"The cars been for sale for 3 years"

have you had many viewers I asked?

"Only hairdressers and you" she said.

Not being put off by these comments, I decided to take it for a test drive. There was a lot of steam from the back, but she said that it normally does that and her garage said it was something to do with MDF or something.

It seemed to handle alright, and I was getting plenty of wolfwhistles from builders, when suddenly........

................it started to rain just has we approached a road traffic Island.

Still the damage is nothing that my mechanic Ed can not sort out. While I wait for the recovery vehicle to arrive I will bid the lady on the car.................

The deal is done and our hapless car buyer picks up the bits and pieces put them into the car and help the recovery team push it onto the wagon "I can't wait to see Ed's face when he See's what I have bought"

The recovery wagon arrives at the workshop, Mike blows the horn of the MG but due to it being a post project drive up grade Ed does not hear it, so the air horns are sounded and Ed comes out.

He takes one look at the pink car and says.................................

.......................oooh, I like that.

I don't tell everyone this, but I'm Mandy at the weekend, he said.

Maybe we could go out sometime in your sports car.

I'm not slow, I knew where he was going with this, and before I knew it he had slipped................

...it into his workshop.
I proudly told Ed how the seller had wanted £1500 but my dealing skills had got us the car for £1750.
"Don't worry" I told him, "we'll easily make a profit once we put a hard top on it."
The look on Ed's face was...

just like this............


"Right" he said "lets get her over the ramp and start working on her rear end"
Now the recovery lorry driver took offense at this remark and slapped Ed round the face, then she drove the lorry over his foot has she left.

Due to Ed's hospitalisation we find ourselves in the unique position of Mike doing the mechanics and Ed having the thank less task of turning a profit on the Pink MGF.
Ed was very reluctant to allow Mike access to his tool holder (he was worried in case Mike tried to flog them). However Mike had a small socket set and a tin of Green emulsion paint left over from when he painted his lawn so undeterred he set to work............

......painting the seats.

This is going to look frickin awesome, he burbled away to himself.

He had just finished painting the interior by hand when Ed hobbled round the corner on crutches.

He stared through his black swolen eyes and shouted "What the f................

.......needs is a new set of shag pile carpets, scotch guarded in case the roof leaks. I think Yellow would look terrific.

Now here is a top tip, the best place to buy carpet from is a carpet shop!

Mike mate, I will carry on here if you can nip along and get us the carpet (which I know owner will just happen to have standing on a box were he can just go straight too).
Now it is time to tackle that escaping steam issue. I have a bottle of head gasket fix, just pour it into the water and job done. This is guaranteed to never fail and providing you do not drive the car, will last forever!

Ed puts the cap back on the expansion tank and shuts the boot. "Now were did I put those keys?" "Last time I saw them they were in the boot...........oh s***".....................................

Never mind said Mike, there is a spare set in a waterproof bag with the spare wheel. Now where’s the bonnet release thingamajig!!??

Ed - having found a Lidl chromium vandalised crowbar to open the bonnet, realised that the re-designed bonnet looked less than aerodynamic so, with the aid of a Aldi “special offer” “mini sledge-hammer”, coupled with a punch set, proceeded to restore the bonnet to it’s former shape and fit. Then he realised he had forgotten, in his impetuosity to remove the spare key from the bag, by the spare tyre, before he re-fitted the bonnet !!

Giving up on that for the moment (they rang the AA who “knew a man who could” and who would be there sometime later) they decided to tackle the strange exhaust, which seemed to “suck in” on the left pipe whilst belching out soot and steam” from the right hand pipe and making a very loud and strange moaning sort of sound. Sticking their “Halfords/BLMC” bottle jack under the aforementioned chrome article (marked TNT Mk7) they…………………

..................started to furiously pump. Suddenly there was a very loud CRACK!!!! "Oh no me backs gone" said Mike, "do not stop pumping Mike" said Ed "it's coming up" sure enough the little pink MG started to rise.

By this time Mike was rolling around on the floor in agony. "There is no way today could get any worse" he gasped between groans. Just has the last word had left his mouth, the bracket holding the TT MK7/29a gave way and it fell on to his head.

"I can see the problem" said Ed, "there is a hole going along the entire length of the exhaust, this must be were the steam is escaping from. I will weld the hole up! Job done!"

Mike sat up rubbing his head and trying to click his back into place, "lets look at the cost so far" he said................

Me ‘ospital visit cost “nuffing” but the b****** great winter sock I got for me car tyres is now on me foot where that Sheila ran me over. That’s £39.95 – dead cheap with £6.50 for postage - a squid cheaper than the £40.95 delivered ‘ain’t it says Ed, who, to be fair, is a bit “thick”!!

I’ve had an offer on the TNT Mk7 (mainly from the neighbours at 29b fed up with the infernal racket) we should make a bomb - about £50-3/6d (he only does pre imperial does Mike) and those 17” ‘airpins is worth an absolute fortune as well. What we has to work out is what to put on in their place coz we need to make this little beaut a veritable goldmine – gold being the price it is. I suggest we advertise more bits on “fleabaytrader” and gets back cheapo replacements then we can retire to that little ‘otel in Torquay an fleece - sorry, help and assist all those old biddies with their Jags, Mercs an dead ‘usbands! Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo………..