The joke thread.

2 weeks 21 hours ago #182803 by John and Sue
Two Liverpool wives are talking about their husbands. One says 'mine is never home: he works for Cunard' the other replies ' mine works quite hard as well......'

I tried to get the names right of the staff at our local Chinese restaurant. I asked 'are you Wan Kin the waiter?' He replied 'no sir, I'm Fu Kin the chef.....'

At another restaurant I noticed that the elderly waiter had his thumb in my soup. When I challenged him he said it kept it warm and eased his arthritis. I angrily told him that if he wanted to keep it warm he should stick it in his a - hole. He replied that that's where he kept it when he wasn't serving soup......
:coat: :coat:

It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..

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2 weeks 20 hours ago #182805 by SundanceUK
A guy was sitting in a gents cubicle at a motorway services when he heard a voice coming from the next cubicle.

‘Hi, how are you doing?’ asked the voice.

Embarrassed at the sudden intrusion of privacy, the guy replied hesitantly: ‘Er . . . yeah . . . I’m OK!’

‘And what are you up to?’ asked the voice from next door.

The guy didn’t really know what to say. ‘Pretty much the same as you, I guess!’

Then the voice said: ‘Look, I’ll call you back. There’s some idiot in the next cubicle answering all the questions I’m asking you!’

Sundance

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1 week 3 days ago #182952 by John and Sue
Some one liners from Tim Vine...

Just sold my Hoover. Well, it was only collecting dust.

Farting in a lift: wrong on many levels.

As is:

Theft from multi-storey car parks.

I saw a busker playing Dancing Queen on a didgeridoo. Very Abba-riginal.
:coat:

It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..

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1 week 3 days ago #182953 by SundanceUK
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggy a bone.
When she bent over, Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own!

Sundance

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1 week 2 days ago #182962 by Leigh Ping
I once hacked the home cctv into my wife's phone. Every time that she used it her image would spam out over the local internet. :lol: I suppose you had to be there.. :coat:

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1 week 2 days ago #182964 by Fourbears
We had a crash this morning involving Little Red Riding Hood who had hit a few trees in a copse. She was not seriously injured but not out of the woods yet.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Leigh Ping

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1 week 2 days ago #182966 by John and Sue
On a recent train journey to London I found myself sitting next to a kindly old vicar. He was looking puzzled at his crossword. I asked if I could help. "Bless you my son, I'm struggling with this one: essentially female, often with friendly lips to kiss, ends with U N T"

I replied that the answer was 'Aunt'

"Of course" he replied. "I don't suppose you have a rubber?"

It will be all right in the end. If it isn't all right yet, then it is not yet the end..

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